Match Report

Belper United Reserves (0) v Derby Ams (2)

Date: 17/11/07
Team: 1sts
Match Type: League
Venue: Away
Opposition: Belper United Reserves

Hello sport fans. On this day in 1604 seafarer and explorer, Sir Walter Raleigh was tried for treason and imprisoned in the tower of London. He later went on to create a very well known brand of mountain bikes. Also on this day in 1307, Swiss revolutionary leader William Tell allegedly shot the apple of his sons head with a crossbow. Amazing to think that last week Ady couldn’t score in a goal that’s eight yards wide and eight feet high???

This weeks outings took us away to Belper on a pitch that has hallowed/bobbly turf that is suspect to an awkward bounce at any time against a team that last year beat us in convincing style with no blame for the goal going to any one player.

The starting line up today was Richard – I’m probably a bit too hard on myself with the ratings – Swain as sweeper, with Ady – how did you get a 7 last week – Colley and Carl – how do you manage to tie your shoelaces together – Whittaker marking. In midfield we had the Singo holding with Mike – what am I doing playing at this level – Jolley with Gary – please kick me hard – Magee as the more advanced player (technically and literally) forming the spine. Outside them was Kelvin – still not quite sure about the corner routine – Rampton on the left and Michael – ‘Come on boy’s!’ – Butler on the right. Upfront we had James – Chav – Whittaker accompanying Sam – the aggressor – Marshall. On the bench we were forced to have Grant back in the team with Gary – ironically named Belly – Bell and Dave Tweddle giving us cover throughout the team except for keeper, which has undoubtedly been our strongest area so far this season (except for the first game, eh Swain!).

The match got underway and we could see why they weren’t doing very well at the moment and why we were. In a football game possession is key and we had the majority of it. Play was switching between left and right-wingers and Magee constantly running at their defence on many occasions being hacked down in dangerous areas. In past games we have scored a high majority of our goals from set pieces but the final ball and finishing touch seemed to evade us today on all occasions. Come back Morris, all is forgiven!

Ten minutes in and we were forced to make an early substitution. Carl challenged for a fifty-fifty (call it a five-five because I don’t hink he can count that high) with their striker and both kicked the ball at the exact same moment (imagine the film ‘The Matrix’ were Neo and Mr Smith both hit each other in the jaw at the same time with faces flying in the opposite direction of their own fists. Now convert that into feet and a football and your somewhere close to how it looked) he then got up to challenge for the next ball and put it out for a throw. Carl then went down holding his knee as if shot by a sniper in the trees fifteen seconds after he made the initial tackle. Belly on – Carl off.

Ten minutes had passed since Carls ‘Platoon dive’, and our best chance of the game so far had found itself fall into the path of our residential one-on-one expert. Gary was set free through one-on-one with their keeper and tried to place the ball into the far corner which was only thwarted by a good save from their keeper and fortunately for him the ball ran just behind Marshall who couldn’t adjust in time and they cleared their lines.

The rest of the first half dragged on without too much fuss with their keeper being kept the least restless of the two after keeping the home side in the tie, with many spectators choosing to watch the pitch markings dry and not the fast of footballing delicacies on the pitch adjacent.

Half time came. Half time went.

In the opening ten minutes of the second half Gary accomplished what had so far eluded us in all our efforts. After some good work in the middle of the park between Mike, the Singo and Gaz he was through one-on-one again. This time he coolly dinked the ball over their oncoming keeper with the outside of his boot (their keeper basically laid down flat in front of him as if to avoid a lightning strike) and into the back of the net. 1-0.

Substitutions were made and Twedds replaced the irreplaceable Butler and Grant (captain happy) made his long awaited return to the first team and came on for James, so that he could hold his injured brothers hand on the sidelines.

We kept applying constant pressure on their defence it was not before we had doubled our lead through Jolley. Sam hustled their defence and wouldn’t let the ball go out of play, he looked up and saw that on the right flank we outnumbered them, a square ball across the face of the goal, Jolley found himself in the six yard box with no keeper to beat. Not the most glamorous of goals but ‘they all count.’ 2-0.

The rest of the game was about as interesting as a film about poisonous snakes on a plane, and we cruised on autopilot and saw out the fixture in professional style and left Belper with no efforts of considerable distinction on target, meaning that we could send more people forward and basically the defence camped on the halfway line.

Man of the Match – The Singo – once again broke up all their play and helped out occasionally in attack leaving our defence and goalkeeper with very little to do. And he is really tall!

BONK of the match – Mike Jolley – late on in the second half at 1-0, Jolley found himself five yards inside the opposition’s six-yard box and the ball rolled square to him. He somehow managed to shoot the ball well over the bar and instead put himself in the net. Allegations that the match ball had been found in Derby city centre later that night are unconfirmed at this time and awaiting investigation.

Article by Butters