Match Report

Derby Ams (1) v Old Elizabethans (4)

Date: 06/10/07
Team: 2nds
Match Type: League
Venue: Home
Opposition: Old Elizabethans

After last weeks defeat, the seconds were trying to turn things round against OE's at Gertrude Road.

Not surprisingly we opted for our 4-4-2 formation, the team was John in goals, Matt "my best mates a football agent" Fisher and David Hart at full backs with Neil "Mare " Roberts & Shep at centre halfs. Wide men were Jack "poorly ankle" Butler & Ben "gay smurf hat" Perry with Djemba Jebbo and Danny "Miserable Git" Green in centre midfield with Grandad Pants & Ginger Beard up front. Subs were Dave "Bing" Crosby, Michael Hart and Andrew "I'm not fit because I've been handling some heavy wood at work all week" Bravo.

The game started badly when we gave away two sloppy goals in the first ten minutes, then we managed to assert ourselves in midfield with Jebbo and Greeny pulling the strings & Grant doing some heavy duty running up front.

The first half was noticeable for two things really, at one point Ben "gay smurf hat" Perry went in for a challenge on the halfway line and somehow ended up winning the ball but then getting a kit bag attached to his foot. He then managed to run ten yards with the bag trailing him and Ben looking anxiously behind as he couldn't work out what was following him. It did make his pass go to feet though, so it is something to think about for next week. The second anomaly of the half was on the 32nd minute of the 6th game Djemba Jebbo actually won a contested header. Well done Mark. Lets see if you can make it two next week. Also Jack "poorly ankle " Butler came off with a knock to be replaced by supersub Michael Hart.

Half time came and Grandad Pants seemed more disappointed than annoyed that this was exactly what happened last week and asked for some more effort in the second half, again like last week.

In the second half Brave Derbyshire started off the better side with the Miserable Git sobering up and him actually looking like a footballer.

The breakthrough came when we got a free kick wide on the right and the mare man stuck in a great ball for Ginger Beard to powerfully head home.

Brave Derbyshire dominated the next twenty minutes with Ginger Beard being unlucky with a good header shortly after. OE's centre midfielder had gone off injured during this point but had to return as OE's had used all their subs. It was a brave effort as he could hardly move & was limping heavily. He did still beat smurf hat in a 50/50 challenge though.

As Brave Derbyshire pushed for the equalizer OE's managed to get the ball into our box and Neil was unfortunately penalised for booting their centre-forward up in the air. The resultant penalty was slotted away & put OE's 3-1 up. Brave Derbyshire had not given up though and the Miserable Git took the ball straight from our kick off and ran at the OE's defence, a drop of the shoulder here, a jink inside there, a stepover here and Victor Meldrew had beaten six players on an outstanding run, unfortunately his shot lacked any sort of power to trouble OE's OAP keeper (the keeper was genuinely 65 !)

Ginger Beard went on a similar mazy run but his shot was easily saved by Jimmy Tarbuck. It was around this time that Bing Crosby was dribbling down the line and managed to beat himself and run the ball out for a throw.

We then conceded an unlucky fourth as we pushed for a way back into the game.

Man of the match.

Ginger Beard for his tireless running and great finish for the goal.

Fact of the day

German researchers have discovered that moderate amounts of alcohol can cause some hearing loss, which ironically means you might not hear the bell for last orders.

Report by Michael Hart