Match Report

Real Mickleover (5) v Derby Ams (0)

	Player	Rating
4	Mark Jebbett	6
5	David Hart	6
6	Ben Perry	6
10	Grant Strickson	6
12	David Crosby	6

Date: 20/10/07
Team: 2nds
Match Type: Cup
Venue: Away
Opposition: Real Mickleover

As Grum gently slid on the ancestral undercrackers in the changing room, heirlooms passed down to the oldest Grummitt son ever since they saved the life of General Grummitt back in The Great War, he gently murmured “Whatever we do today lads, lets just go out there and enjoy it”. Approximately two hours later, a man resembling Grum could be seen picking the ball out of the back of the net, booting it into the distance and screaming “Are we going to let them take the piss out of us?”

The best thing that could be said about our performance was the way for the first time in a few weeks we showed some consistency: dicked 5-0 in the cup last week, dicked 5-0 in the cup this week.

The tenor for the game was set in the changing rooms, when Grant came in to announce, accurately, that the opposition were all “really big”. Mickleover are top of their division and it’s not hard to see why: as well as being “really big”, they’re also pretty organised and had two good players up front. Still, having said that we gave a decent account of ourself in the first half. Jebbett and Grum continued their blossoming and tender partnership at the back and although we were under a fair bit of pressure, we dealt with it well and played some good football of our own. Danny and John in the centre always looked to use the ball positively, and Ben had probably his best half of football this year on the right. Tom Arnold finally got over not appearing in a film since True Lies by slotting in on the left. With Grant and Jack working hard up front to chase everything down, we had a good deal of possession in their half, and were probably slightly unlucky to go into the interval 1-0 down, with the best chance falling to Greeny who put a back heel narrowly wide.

At half time we stressed that all we needed to do was raise our game by 10% and we would be right back in the match. Unfortunately, we were tactically outmanoeuvred by the Mickleover manager who asked his team to improve by 20%. With a 100% increase in percentage increase, we were no match for them in the second half. Playing on a pitch that looks like it will provide some good tobogganing in a few months time, the second half saw us with first a literal and then a metaphorical mountain to climb. Mickleover knocked a series of long balls into our half and we struggled to deal with them. When we did get the ball we often lumped it forward ourselves more in hope than expectation and tended to see it come straight back, and when we had goal kicks, and boy did we have some goal kicks, we were regularly second to the ball. Under so much pressure, we fell apart a bit in the last 20 minutes. The last few weeks have clearly knocked our confidence, and once we went 3-0 down, heads began to drop and we capitulated tamely in the end.

There were some positives to take from the game. Unlike the last few weeks, at least we put in a decent first half. Neale Roberts, meanwhile, was drafted in goal due to both John Bennett’s absence and to his own bad back. While we didn’t exactly help protect his injury, he put in a sterling effort and made some great saves. Without him, we probably would have lost by more. And we'd also have had no keeper, which would have been village. Also, there was the moment when, early on, Jebbett decided it would be worth mocking their forward for missing a chance. He responded by threatening to remove bits of Jebbett’s body and then hitting the parts that were left. Your faithful reporter is unable to remember exactly how Jebbett looked and replied, but has a distinct memory of it involving turning white and squeaking.

Report by David Hart