Match Report

Derby Ams (1) v Little Eaton FC (4)

Date: 24/08/07
Team: 1sts
Match Type: League
Venue: Home
Opposition: Little Eaton FC

When, at the Derby Ams AGM, I took on the role as match reporter I silently vowed not to repeat myself two weeks running, if we played poorly over two games I would say that we were poor the first week and awful the second, or words to that effect and likewise if we were playing well. So what follows is something that pains me to say, but pained me even more to play in, WE WERE AWFUL! If you read the last match report (Swanwick Pentrich Road, 22/08/2007), I said that it was hopefully the worst we would play all season. I was wrong for so many reasons.

What follows are my genuine feelings on how the game went. I script this without prejudice towards any individual. If I offend anyone I apologise in advance but it is intended as a means of motivation not humiliation. Sod it! I mean this, anyone who takes offence, can kiss my arse. You fully deserve it!

The match got underway to a promising start. Centre kick back to Morris who played a long ball to a sprinting Ady Colley that was cut out and forced a corner in the opening five seconds of the match. The low hard corner came in, Colley jumped over the ball (missed it completely) to see no-one gambling in behind and the ball roll along the six yard box and out for a throw. This was the start of a really bad performance from our strikers.

Ten minutes into the match, our keeper took a goal kick, which was won by an unchallenged Little Eaton player. The ball came straight down the throat of our midfielder and current joint top goal-scorer Adam Morris, who tried to head backwards but didn’t quite get the connection he had wanted (‘didn’t quite’ being an understatement), the ball ran through to their striker who quite delicately chipped over the keeper into the bottom corner. 0-1.

Then came a few moments that depicts our season so far. The ball dropped between three Ams players, none went for it at first, then all three went for it, not one name was uttered and in the end two players actually ended up challenging each other, fortunately one came out with the ball. This happened again between two of the same players less than two minutes later. The point being that we are making moronic mistakes and not learning from them!

Lessons needed to be learnt, so as not to gift another costly goal away. So when a long ball came over our defence through to that same striker being played on by Kelvin, turned and slowly ambled through into our box without a care, or challenge, in the world, had enough time to pick out a corner and then put the ball in it, turn away and celebrate without having a Derby defender within bus parking distance, it was an absolute disgrace. 0-2.

Then, when all seemed to be lost, a new hope (Star Wars, gotta love it!). A free-kick was awarded just inside their half, for which Morris put a decent ball in for James Whittaker (our resident Luke Skywalker) headed in at the far post. 1-2.

Just before half time another momentary lapse by our defence. A cross came in to which a Little Eaton striker amazingly had a free header, unmarked in our box. In his defence it was a good header because the ball came through the sun (not literally) and he bullet headed it in off the crossbar, but again the point being that he had a free header in the box! 1-3.

Half time came and yet again we had to go in after playing some atrocious football. Swaney, threatening us all with the axe if we didn’t improve, made changes throughout the pitch obviously noting that not in one area, were we better than our opponents. Gave us his words of wisdom got us back out on the pitch for a second half that proved to be more infuriating than the first.

We missed chance after chance after chance. Too many to go into each one in detail, but a very sad stat is that we didn’t even force their keeper (who was quite badly limping and couldn’t take his own goal kicks) into making a single save i.e. we didn’t shoot on target at all in the second half.

To add insult to injury they scored a forth midway through the second half. A deep diagonal ball came from their left flank to their right-winger, and again an opposing player found himself in a Barratt Homes development site space of land, who quite calmly took the ball on the volley and placed it into our near post for the best goal of the game. 1-4.

Many more chances were missed and the game ended. We could have conceded eight goals in this game and still should have outscored them. Really, really bad performance from the front line, and the defence gave them too much time at the back, which is amazing really because we have a lot of strikers and defenders at our disposal so you would have thought that they would want to try and guarantee a starting spot by playing well?!

This week I don’t know how Swaney has rated us at, and, to be honest, I don’t care. If we play like that this season we will get relegated. Simple! Anyone who is asked to play next week for the firsts should count themselves as lucky as no one deserves it.

Just a moment to say that we hope their defender who had to go off due to what appeared to be a broken nose after a clash of heads comes through ok.

BONK of the Match: Ady Colley (second game running) – From outside the box last game, he blazed high and wide, this week from only just outside the six yard box blazed higherer and widerer (and there not even real words!). It seems the closer he gets to goal, the further he gets from scoring???

Man of the Match: Ady Colley – as much as it pains me (its like someone grating my eyeball with a grater made of salt in a bath full of vinegar on fire) he was the only player who showed a will to win

Article by: Adam Blackburn