Match Report

Crown Inn Selston (0) v Derby Ams (2)

Date: 22/09/07
Team: 2nds
Match Type: League
Venue: Away
Opposition: Crown Inn Selston

The second team continued their jaunts around the crapholes of Nottingham with a trip to Brinsley to play Crown Inn Selston. The pitch itself was good although liberally sprinkled with dogsh*t, the referee however applied himself to the task and picked most of it off the pitch.

David "Grandad Pants" Grummitt had 13 players & me to pick from for the game, the 3 subs being Andrew "I had to wait ages till I was 19" Bravo, Ben Perry & the author.

Starting line up was John in goals, Matt Fisher & Michael Butler were full backs with Grandad Pants and Shep centre halfs, the wide men were Dave Crosby & Matt Blakemore with Djemba Jebbo and Danny "My beard's better than Grant's as it isn't Ginger" Green in the centre, while upfront was Grant "Ginger Beard" Strickson & Jack Butler.

The game itself started in the best possible way when their captain took an instant dislike to Danny's beard and ploughed through him (not actually ploughed through him as that would be unacceptable on a football pitch)

From the start Brave Derbyshire were ontop with some exquisite passing which tore through the Selston defence, after 10 minutes Jack got a great cross in & Dave Crosby was minding his own business at the far post when the ball struck his head and flew in.

From this start Brave Derbyshire were all over Selston like a cheap suit, with Greeny providing some good through balls & little Matt Blakemore jinking down the wing like a young Stanley Matthews, eventually the pressure paid off when Crosby swung a good corner in which the Selston centre half calmly controlled on his knee and then volleyed it straight into the top corner!

After this good start we were literally camped in the Selston half (with Jebbo taking it too far and trying to pitch his chiffon tent just over the halfway line) shots were flying in from all angles & the Selston goalkeeper was inspired, making one world class save from Jack & then a few more routine saves off Grant !

At half time Grandad pants was bemoaning the lack of goals and the lack of balls in the box (which does sound very camp come to think of it)

The second half continued in much the same vein as the first with numerous chances created by the guile of the Derbyshire Midfield and missed mainly by Grant who couldn't beat the insparational Selston keeper. Then Brave Derbyshire switched off and left the centreforward free in the area, Grandad pants blushes were saved though by an outstanding double save from John.

The only other thing of note in the second half was their captain getting booked for hauling Matt Blakemore down, then failing to beat my record as he threw up after 60 minutes & then recovering to go studs up and force Bing Crosby off with a swollen ankle.

Man Of The Match is John Bennett. John had virtually nothing to do all game and could have been forgiven for switching off, but when they actually had a chance John Pulled off a magnificent double save that was comparable to Dudek's off Shevchenko in the Big Cup final.

Miss Of The Match: Andrew Bravo took it off Grant when he got the ball on the penalty spot in space and he didn’t manage to get a shot in.

Report by Michael Hart