Match Report

Derby Ams (3) v Chellaston FC (3)

Date: 08/09/07
Team: 1sts
Match Type: League
Venue: Home
Opposition: Chellaston FC

Hello sports fans. Included in your longest issue to date, local, friendly, jovial report today are tales of heroism (that isn’t a drug addiction Dibbsy), ogre slaying (Grant) and prince charming rescuing the damsel in distress (you nose who!).

It seems strange to say, but as you are reading this after not even a calendar month from the start of our season, we are nearly a third of the way through our fixtures already. So when you consider that we were going into our latest fixture on a run of three games undefeated, you might not think that it is a good achievement. But after the way we started the season, things have really changed since Swainey has taken over at the helm of the mighty Ams.

The latest opposition to try and stop the mighty Ams ball from rolling was Chellaston FC. A team who like us had played many games so far this season and results had not been too dissimilar either, with them being three points better than us at start of play. A close game was expected and drew in the record attendance for a Derby Ams game so far this season, with them being allocated the whole of the upper tier of the non-train-line stand.

For the first time this season we had the exact same starting line up as per previous game. Morris sweeping, Bradley (couldn’t resist) and uncle Dunc marking. Strickson, Singleton and Colley in central midfield. Dibbsyshire and Tweddle-dee on the wings with the pace of Swain and Broughton upfront.

The whistle was blown and we got underway. Our first goal was quite literally a moment of pure inspiration (fluke) by our captain and saviour Colley. Yet another well-worked free kick from Morris saw the ball drilled in low and hard about a foot off the floor, which saw Ady step over the ball with his first foot and with the heel of his second, slot the ball inside the near post. It caught everyone off guard and got us a perfect start. 1-0.

The rest of the first-half was close affair until a ten minute period that would have seen a fat, ginger, ugly man with three teeth, halitosis, cross eyes and Ads Morris’s hair cut score. A long ball over the defence saw the back three treading water and their striker go through one-on-one with our en-rushing keeper and comfortably dispatch the ball into the net. 1-1.

Another long ball over the top saw their second goal. A bouncing ball dropped kindest for their striker who lofted the ball over our keeper and into the goal before hitting the floor, keeper had no chance again. 1-2.

Things went from bad to worse, as the goal of the game was scored. A run from their central midfielder left captain Colley hailing a taxi, drove forward with the ball five or six yards and let rip with an effort from the best part of thirty yards which flew into the top corner of the net. Our keeper got a hand to it but was too well directed to prevent the goal. 1-3.

Half time came to our delight. Another ten minutes and we could have found ourselves in an even worse boat than we were in (I can only think of the Titanic, although without a skinny French-Canadian bitch singing for us). I’m sure that nobody will disagree but it was the worst half time team talk that we have had, with the frustrations of the first half clearly getting to us. A change was made; Magee on for Strickson (who had failed to impress and keep his recent run of form going) but no actual words of wisdom, encouragement or spell casting were enchanted, with more bitching than bewitching!

Kick off for the second half. We knew that the only reason we were behind was due to lack of concentration (I think we added too much water!). Anyway, things did get better mainly due to the improved performance through the spine of the team but we still did gift them a golden chance for which we have one person, and one person alone to thank. Mr Butterfingers. A ball was played through to their forward who came charging through with only the huge frame of Adam to beat, he shot low and hard only to be denied by the feet of Butters who kept us in the game with a fine save, and at a crucial time, another goal down and we would have been done for.

We then started to control play. Some good work by Colley saw him get fouled on the edge of the box. Step up Ads Morris. The keeper lined the wall up so that Ads could see both sides of the goal, and the placed himself behind the wall, obstructing his view. Morris hit the ball into the wall, the ball bounced back at him, but this time he made no mistake, parting the wall like a bad hair cut, slotting the ball underneath the keeper. 2-3.

With us back in the game, Chellaston started to crumble in defence, and not much longer came our third goal courtesy of Ady Colley. Another set piece from Morris saw a long ball drop onto the head of our captain and saviour, who headed the ball in for his second of the game and our equaliser. 3-3.

Due to both Ads Morris and Ady Colleys current run of form on set pieces I have created what is known as ‘The A formula’. This formula is most easily described as follows.

AM + AC = G
Adam Morris + Adrian Colley = Goalissimo

We did go on and have two chances to win the game in the dying minutes when Magee got put through one-on-one on both occasions, but both times he was heavily hampered by a defender and both times managed to get shots away but both times was denied by their keeper who made two good saves and held onto the ball, both times!

The final whistle was blown and we now have a run of four games unbeaten, and with Dronfield Town Reserves to play this Saturday who are currently placed a point above us, should prove to be another tester for the mighty Ams.

BONK of the match – Adam Morris. At half-time, tempers were fraying and in a blind rage he actually tried to get his point across by starting his rant with, and I quote ‘I know I’ve got massive ears but…’ made me laugh but come on fella, could you not think of something better than that????

Man of the match – Ady Colley. Scored two goals, won every challenge but more importantly, it was HE who asked the ref who the man of the match was.